Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
