we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
