Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
