I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
