Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize