I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
