News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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