wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't think brook has ever known best
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
