Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
