The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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