she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
