we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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