wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
