so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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