this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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