3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
