I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Your penis caused this!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize