Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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