omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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