ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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