Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
there is glitter all over my balls
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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