i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
