why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
