I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
