Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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