Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
