I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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