i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
