help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
