my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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