WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
