Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
