Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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