you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize