Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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