i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
