Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
