I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
