dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
