Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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