Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
