Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
