I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
