Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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