do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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