girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
