Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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