if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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