Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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