If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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