walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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