Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
