I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
