no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
