Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Two words: nipple clamps
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