ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
