last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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