I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
