so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
