So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize