I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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