forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
