It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
