I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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