we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
